When the Group Chat Goes Quiet: Friendship in Your 30s
What to do when connection fades but your longing for it doesn’t.
I’ve been writing a lot about friendship lately — not because I have it all figured out, but because I don’t.
As a childless, remote-working woman, I know my life is more flexible than some of my friends’. And yet… friendship remains deeply important to me. It’s stitched into my sense of identity. I can’t let it go, even when the rhythm changes.
I often wonder: Do my friends think about me as much as I think about them? I carry them in small thoughts throughout the week. I hope they’re okay. I think about what I’d say if we were on a walk or laughing over a glass of wine. But I don’t always act on it.
Maybe that makes me part of the problem. But I have capacity — and do make capacity — for women who lift me up.
I’m learning that love can change. It might transition into something quieter — something softer. That doesn’t make it any less real, but it does mean it might no longer be enough to sustain me.
That’s the thing no one really prepares you for:
Friendship evolving to a point where it’s time to make a new set of friends that can meet you where you are.
When it’s time to open the door to new friendship — friendships that meet you where you are now.
People who are also looking for community outside of parenting groups or office happy hours. People whose lives have space, too.
So how do we start again — as adults?
Making new friends in your 30s (or any decade after school) feels daunting, but it’s not impossible. The key is intention over volume, and shared energy over shared history.
Here are a few ways I’ve been exploring or considering:
Join local or virtual interest groups — Think: writing clubs, book swaps, walking groups, or wine nights with women looking for the same companionship.
Say yes to small talk — Sometimes a regular barista, yoga neighbor, or fellow dog-walker can surprise you. Pay attention to who you naturally click with.
Ask for introductions — If you know someone with great people in their life, don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, I’m looking to expand my circle — would love to meet someone you think I’d vibe with.”
Start something yourself — A recurring walk, a tarot night, a co-working session in your living room. You’d be shocked how many people are craving the invite. Use Tiktok, Instagram or a Facebook group to spread the word.
Go where people are in the same life phase — child-free events, creative coworking spaces, spiritual circles, or other places where people are also building community from scratch.
BONUS:
Make a business card you can hand to people you vibe with in-person — whether at a networking event or someone who frequents the same places you do.
Idea for the business card:
Front:
Hey, I’m [Your Name]!
Let’s be friends.
Back:
I’m into [writing clubs, book swaps, walks, wine nights, and good conversation].
If you’re looking for new friends too, let’s connect!
📱 [Your phone number or Instagram handle]
✉️ [Your email, if you want]
Text me or DM anytime — let’s hang!
Friendship doesn’t always have to be long-standing to be deep. Some of the most nourishing relationships come from being honest about what you need now — and allowing new people to rise to meet it.
*P.S. If you’re in NC, I’d love to befriend you. Send me a message!